Eclectic Communications Blog

Here is a fabulous structure for an excellent email!

Do you sometimes pause before you send out an email because you don’t know where to start, or how to start? You will no longer have these concerns if you follow what is known as the MAD email format.

MAD is an acronym for Message – Action – Detail. Whenever you initiate correspondence by email, use this format.

Your opening paragraph is going to state the main idea of the email message:

“I have received your documents that you submitted for your insurance policy adjustment. There are two things related to your adjustment that we need to discuss.”

Then, in the next paragraph, give the action(s) that you want the reader to complete:

“Please call me by Friday, May 18 to set up an appointment time to discuss your adjustment. My number is 123-4567.”

After you’ve stated what you want the reader to do, give the details related to your main message:

“The two things we need to discuss are:

• benefits received from your previous employer
• contributions you made in 2011

I understand that it’s not convenient for you to come down to the office during the day, so I thank you for your understanding.”

And that is a brief example of the body of an email using the MAD format! What’s great about this format is that as soon as your readers open the email, the message and action are directly in front of them on the screen. With this format, readers don’t have to read through details that may or may not be important to try and understand the message. And they don’t have to scroll through the email to find out what you want them to do.

The benefit to this format for you is that it greatly improves the structural quality of your email. To create this organization, ask yourself:

Why am I writing? (Message)

What do I need my reader to do? (Action)

What details does my reader need or want to know? (Detail)

Conclusions often don’t get the time they deserve. Typically, they are dashed off with little thought, and therefore are full of clichés, bulky, bureaucratic phrases and missing information.

There are three things to keep in mind when crafting your conclusion. First, keep it short – about 2-3 sentences. Also, keep it focused, so don’t introduce any new topics. And third, ensure that you have summed up the main message of the letter and have provided the necessary contact information and specific time lines.

These ideas create a formula that you can follow for all your letters. Once you get the hang of it, it will become a habit.

Here are some typical bulk phrases and clichés to avoid:

• do not hesitate (Can you imagine your reader hesitating? No!)
• feel free (How does someone feel like this? Hmmm…strange.)
• thank you in advance (Careful! Many people find this condescending and rude.)
• in this matter (Matter? What matter? Be specific. Say what it actually is!)
• the undersigned (Use a specific name  or pronoun!)
• as soon as possible or at your earliest convenience (These phrases say to the reader – put this request at the bottom of your to-do list.)

The example below shows a well-written closing:

I’m looking forward to hearing your opinions on our proposal. Since the start date for the project is March 15, please call me at 123-4567 before February 28 so we can discuss it.

And here’s the same example showing what you want to avoid writing!

I’m looking forward to hearing from you about your opinions on this matter. Since the start date for the project is March, I thank you in advance for calling me at the number above as soon as possible so we can discuss this matter. Please feel free to contact the undersigned with any questions.

Yuck!

You may have been told that you shouldn’t use a comma before the word and. However, you need to be careful – this statement is not always true. Here’s an example of where it’s important to use a comma before the and.

The personnel manager will advertise for the position, and the board of directors will lead the interviews.

In this sentence, there are two complete thoughts and the word and is linking them. When you link two complete thoughts with a conjunction (and, but, for, or, nor, so, yet), you’ll want to use a comma before the conjunction to help in the clarity for the reader.

To self-edit this type of comma usage, check the phrases before and after the conjunction to make sure they are both complete thoughts. If they are, then you’ll want to put a comma before the conjunction.

As with most rules, however, there’s an exception. If you have two complete thoughts that you’re linking with a conjunction, and these thoughts are fewer than five words each, you can omit the comma. Here’s an example:

The contract had expired and the workers were not paid.

For those who are interested, The Plain Language Association InterNational has a great section on its website that links you to many resources about the use of plain language in legal documents.

It’s definitely worth a read!

Hello Arctic Co-op Participants,

Thanks for the great session!

The Purdue Online Writing Lab is the resource I recommended in class. It’s a great online source for grammar and usage.

Best of luck!
Marie

Have you ever read the introduction to a letter, only to find that it doesn’t relate well – if at all – to the rest of the it? It’s always an unwelcome surprise.

In business letters, the goal is not to surprise readers; the goal is to inform them. This giving of information begins in the introduction, not in the body of the letter.

To create effective introductions, follow these two steps:

1. Set the situation. By setting the situation, you are answering the question: What happened to bring me to write this letter?
2. Give the message. The question you want to answer now is: What is the rest of the letter going to do?

Here’s a sample introduction that sets the situation and gives the message:

Thank you for your response to our proposal. We are happy to inform you that we have chosen your company. Here are some details you will need before we can move forward.

Notice how short this introduction is. Two guidelines that you want to follow are:

• Remove bulky phrases. Bulky phrases include: I am writing this letter in receipt of… or This letter is in acknowledgment of…

• Keep the introduction at 2-3 sentences maximum.

One last element to consider is whether you are writing a letter that gives positive news or negative news. If the main message of the letter is negative, you need to avoid giving the no/not/negative word in the introduction.

It’s important that the introduction remain neutral in a negative letter so that your reader will not toss the letter away immediately. Get the reader’s interest in the opening, and then in the first line of the second sentence, give your no/not/negative word.

For example:

Thank you for your application. We received inquiries from many excellent candidates, and we have made our decision.

At this time, we can’t offer you the position of communications liaison. However, there is another position that we encourage you to apply for…

Hello City of Calgary Participants!

As promised, here are the two book titles by June Casagrande…

• Grammar Snobs Are Great Big Meanies: A Guide to Language for Fun and Spite
• Mortal Syntax: 101 Language Choices That Will Get You Clobbered by the Grammar Snobs – Even If You’re Right

Enjoy!

Many things influence whether or not you express numbers in figures or in words. Sometimes it’s your profession, and sometimes it’s the editing style of your organization.

Here are some common number usage guidelines to follow in order to produce consistent documents.

When to use figures:

• in numbers 10 and above
He signed 14 copies of the document.

• for reporting sport scores
The team won with a score of 8 – 12.

• in cases when there are large and small numbers in one list
On our cycling trip we covered 9 km the first day, 13 km the second day, and 21 km the third day.

When to spell out numbers:

• in numbers from 0 – 9
I bought three new chairs for the conference room.

• at the start of a sentence
Twenty-four managers made it to the training session.

• in fractions below 1
He has a five-eighths share of the company earnings.

• in approximations
There were approximately a hundred people at the conference.

Hello U of W Students!

Here is the excerpt from George Orwell’s essay, Politics and the English Language, written in 1946.

(i) Never use a metaphor, simile or other figure of speech which you are used to seeing in print.

(ii) Never use a long word where a short one will do.

(iii) If it is possible to cut a word out, always cut it out.

(iv) Never use the passive where you can use the active.

(v) Never use a foreign phrase, a scientific word or a jargon word if you can think of an everyday English equivalent.

(vi) Break any of these rules sooner than say anything barbarous.

These rules sound elementary, and so they are, but they demand a deep change of attitude in anyone who has grown used to writing in the style now fashionable.